Well I Suck!!

So yesterday I had a great plan... Shine my sink and study up on what FlyLady had in store for me this week. I almost got there, but I'm just gonna have to be happy that I got my family fed!
I ended up going with my mom to town for her dental appointment just to keep her company. To town means 45 minutes there and 45 minutes back. So company is nice! But of course nothing got done, and I'm sitting here near midnight the following night and my dishes still aren't done!! My sink is still not shiny!! AND even though my hubby took out the Christmas tree, I still haven't swept!! And this is the next evening!! Ugh.....

Can you tell where I do computer work!

Anyway today was my GAPS Group, and though I didn't need to go, I just wanted to go so I didn't have to look at my house, or clean my house!! And look, my living room hasn't change except for the kids are in bed!!

But really GAPS group helps me keep my sanity, or at least it makes me feel sane!! lol People that don't think I'm crazy for my view on food. People who won't call me a health freak if I talk about food.. 

I have concluded that it is easier for a person to take advice from a total stranger than it is to take advice from someone that loves you. I have also concluded that it has a lot to do with the feeling of being judged by someone you love.. I have had a lot of family judge me recently (at least thats how it feels) and I was quick to get defensive about their advice, even got my feelings hurt badly. But when you feel like people view you as a bad parent, I don't see any way other than getting your feelings hurt, especially when you aren't a proud parent. No I don't take pride in my parenting skills, I hope to be the parent I dream of being some day soon. I read a blog post recently about the "In a Minute Mom." Yeah, that is totally me, I feel overwhelmed so often I just can't even handle noise, I am so irritable, and get anxiety, I yell.. I don't want to yell, I want to feel like I handle every single situation with ease and peace. I want to give my children consistency, I don't want them to wonder what kinda of mood their mom is in. I don't want them be unhappy or unfulfilled. I feel like I have plenty of time to be a good mom, but for some reason my mind doesn't feel like it. I feel like my mind is on sensory overload at times, I just can't handle RJ's constant repetitiveness and wining. Gosh does he wine, I seriously feel like I could bash my head up against the wall when he starts his wining!!!

Anyway I at least have hope, but more than anything I have fear. Fear that I can't get my act together, fear that I will always be lazy and overwhelmed, and have anxiety. But in the short amount of time we went on full GAPS there was such an obvious change in RJ and me.. There are no words to describe how I felt. Well okay their might be!! lol I felt light as a feather, I had energy, and I could jump around the house and be on my feet all day and not have a twinge of pain in my feet (I have had several foot surgeries) or my back, which I have suffered from for as long as I can remember. I walked a total of 6 miles in one day, I have never been so proud of myself! I just felt incredible. I was much more patient with RJ, and he was way less annoying, and would play and play and play.. It just seems like now he just wants to wine about NOTHING!! And he is incredibly repetitive all the time. When we fell off the wagon I saw all these symptoms reappear as time went on, and they just continue to get worse..

But I think my biggest fear is being stuck in diet mode for the rest of my life. It seems like so many people that go on the GAPS diet get caught up in it. They turn it into a permanent diet, or go Paleo, and thats not what the diet is intended for. I want to be able to live a normal life without my kids wigging out if they eat something wrong, I just worry that they may just become sensitive to foods permanently or I may fear moving away from the diet, which is what I think most people do.. I just want it to be temporary like it's intended to be. GAPS is such a different diet than people think of diets to be.. There is this extreme communication between you and your body that you have to develop because your bodies own communication system is all out of wack and instead of craving the things that are good and nourishing to us, it craves things that aren't good for the body,  things that are currently feeding the unhealthy system you have in place. So here we are literally trying to heal our bodies and then listen to what our bodies are trying to tell us when we reintroduce foods into our diets. Good reaction, bad reaction, temporary reaction, something I never want to experience again?!?! Thats a fear I have is reacting to food that I fear ever trying to eat it again.. It is still unknown WHY the body reacts so harshly to foods on GAPS I haven't decided if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but I know I can't keep living like this and it is just one of those things I'm going to have to take as it comes.. I just have to trust what my body is telling me when I am healed..

Speaking of that, it truly is amazing how the body works.. I am on a Facebook GAPS group and this gal and her family have been on GAPS for 3 years (a long time) and thinks they still have a yeast issue because the kids are craving carbs.. These kids are literally stilling grains from their chickens.. But I instantly think, 3 years on GAPS is enough time to get rid of candida, and these kids are ravenous in a very unnatural way making me think their body is lacking something.. This diet isn't intended to be low carb, it is just the way it goes in order to heal the body. AND to continue I talked to a friend (here is her awesome blog) at GAPS group today and she said that her family just recently had chicken and her daughter (unlike her normal self) ate her chicken to bare bone and asked her mom to break open the bone so she could eat the inside. This girl has no idea the nutrients in the marrow, not a clue, but her little body was telling her what she needed.. The power of our bodies, just blows me away!! Just like dogs just know the marrow is the holy grail of bones!!! So I try to have faith that when the time comes, my body with be able to communicate to me what it is needing, such a beautiful thing!!



On a good closing note, I did do ONE thing productive today!! I made a towel hanger for my cousin Theresa and I'm sure her kids are going to enjoy it just as much as she will!! Merry REALLY late Christmas Theresa and Family!! :-)

And, I guess I am proud that I did get something down on my blog today, but I am really lacking on my other blog, "TheHealthNewbie." So I will have to make that a goal for tomorrow after I shine my sink, I have an incredible pie crust recipe to share with the world!! Oh Yay!!!